God and I have been fighting this year. By that, I mean that I have been focusing on one or two areas of my life where I would like things to be different. In return, God keeps being nice to me and showing me love and kindness. Clearly, God fights dirty.
I tell ya. Just because God provides me with clothing, shelter, food, and other such necessities, I am supposed to be content and thankful. Sheesh. The ego on this God, right?
Here are just some of the ways where God continually shows much love and attention towards me:
- I was voted employee of the quarter at work
- When given my bi-annual review, my boss stated, “You are doing fantastic”, “Everybody loves working with you”, and “I really don’t have any notes for you.”
- As I went from hugging one customer to another, one of them commented, “I love Phil, don’t you?”
- My favorite 106 year-old survived his first ever hospital trip. Old-timer: 1. Gallstones: 0.
- I was invited to a birthday party, and upon arrival, had much affection heaped upon me.
- I received a raise and my boss offered to try to procure a larger one for me.
- One of my favorite people sent me an e-mail that offered the opinion, “You are wonderful.”
- On Saturday I get to see two plays. For free, nonetheless.
- I went for a run with my newly messed-up knee and everything still works.
- A comic shop customer spontaneously saw me at my other job on Saturday.
- A comic shop customer spontaneously saw me in my neighborhood on Tuesday.
- My cat has been extra attentive lately.
- She even let me put bits of pie on her face. Now she looks as though she has feasted on the entrails of all who would oppose her mighty reign.
Add to all that the everyday gestures of kindness that I take for granted. I do not live in a war-torn area. My car functions. I have access to internet, libraries, and entertainment. I am healthy and my pantries may not be bursting with food, but that is due more to my boredom with grocery shopping than God’s lack of provision.
Really, I think it is God being an obstinate opponent.
“I’d really like this one thing to happen.”
“Yeah yeah, but what about that thing?”
BAM BAM, blessings.
“Granted, you are kind, sure. But how about that thing I am obsessing over?”
“No, not that!”
“Knock it off!”
“Urg. You do not play fair.”
BAM BAM, blessings.
“Yeah, yeah; you are good and provide,—“
“—I get it.”
“Now you’re just showing off.”
And so on. And so forth. I repeatedly ask for what I feel is a perfectly reasonable request. (Hey, all of popular media says I should have this kind of situation. So what is the hold up?) In return, God keeps saying “No” or “Not just yet”.
Thus, I am left to feel like a child in front of a Christmas tree. I always grow tired of children who make a big fuss over not getting that one toy. They have all these presents in front of them. Their parents do not have to buy them anything. And yet, it is the one thing that they did not get that sends them into a fury. How am I acting any different?
Obviously, I can keep being mad at God. Honestly though, it is not getting me anywhere. I find it has been more productive to busy myself with other things. My current plan is to keep busy. You know, just keep swimming.
Yes, I am going to still want what I want. It will continue to frustrate me. However when one’s life is 92% perfect (95% when I am in a good mood), it does not make a whole lot of sense to spend the majority of one’s efforts on the few things that make up the other 8%.
God is winning the fight. Of course God is. Some of us aren’t omnipotent, omnipresent, and self-sacrificing. Some of us are petulant, unreasonable, live only in one time period, and have to sleep at night. (Right there God gets five hours of extra planning time that God does not need. Totally unfair.) At least I can try to be a gracious loser. Although, to look at the scoreboard, most would say that I am pretty far ahead of the game.